| Genesis God makes everything, and it’s PERFECT- - for about 3.2 seconds Exodus Yahweh vs Raw - fight night! Leviticus Stop doing gross stuff! Numbers Israel makes a wrong turn at Mt Sinai - refuses to ask for directions Deuteronomy I said STOP doing gross stuff - what is WRONG with you all??!!! Joshua Hotly anticipated product launch of "Moses 2.0" Judges A riveting documentary of doctrine - total deprevety Ruth The Bachelorette: Hebrew-ish 1 Samuel It’s David and Goliath 2 Samuel David and Goliath - the Director’s VHS sequel - like Alladdin 2 1 Kings Solomon marries a TONNE of women, and finds out - it’s a REALLY bad idea. Who new?? 2 Kings Israel and Judah go "0 for 2" in a death match against Babylon and Asyria. Should have declared Philippians 4:13 over that mess 1 Chronicles A sweeping documentary over Israel’s history 2 Chronicles A sweeping documentary over Israel’s history Ezra The temple gets an extreme home makeover Nehemiah Jerusalem gets an extreme home makeover Esther A brave Jewish woman - saves her people. Full of more exciting drama - than any game of thrones … plus there’s WAY more clothes. Job This is a Hebrew country music song Psalms Ancient Hillsong album - with cheap metaphors Proverbs God "pities ‘da fool" - who don’t follow Him! Ecclesiastes Everything is meaningless - except everything isn’t REALLY meaningless because God gives everything meaning. Whooah! Song of Solomon You know what - just go ask your parents (it’s all about SEX) |
Isaiah "Make Worship Great Again" - MWGA !! Jeremiah God has a great plan, and a future for you - and definitely NOT any trials, tribulations or suffering. Nope, not at all. Lamentations [crying emoji] Ezekiel A total of crafty and mind-trapping: eagles and bones and flaming psychedelic wheels and stuff… Daniel Fights his own personal lions, which also happen to be _actual lions_ that want to eat him. Hosea This is a minor prophet - who’s not Jonah - feel free to skip this one Joel This is a minor prophet - who’s not Jonah - feel free to skip this one Amos This is a minor prophet - who’s not Jonah - feel free to skip this one Obediah This is a minor prophet - who’s not Jonah - feel free to skip this one Jonah Hey - finally! An anthropomorphic asparagus - goes on an adventure with some pirates. Arrrrr! Micah This is a minor prophet - who’s not Jonah - feel free to skip this one Nahum This is a minor prophet - who’s not Jonah - feel free to skip this one Habakkuk This is a minor prophet - who’s not Jonah - feel free to skip this one Zephaniah This is a minor prophet - who’s not Jonah - feel free to skip this one Haggai This is a minor prophet - who’s not Jonah - feel free to skip this one Zechariah This is a minor prophet - - - didn’t I say this one already?? This is a minor prophet - who’s not Jonah - feel free to skip this one Malachi This is a minor prophet - who’s not Jonah - feel free to skip this one Matthew Peter does some dumb stuff; Jesus is the Messiah Mark Peter does some dumb stuff; Jesus is the suffering servant Luke Peter does some dumb stuff; Jesus is the son of man John Peter does some dumb stuff; Jesus is the son of God Acts Miracles, shipwrecks, LOTS of tongues. Basically it’s John MacArthur’s worst nightmare! |
Romans Man screws stuff up, but God justifies Corinthians STOP screwing stuff up, Corinth!! 2 Corinthians Corinth!! I MEAN IT this time!!!! Galatians This is Romans, but shorter Ephesians This is Romans, but shorter II Philippians You can win sports games - through Jesus Colossians Jesus rules ALL of creation - even the the weird stuff, like "platypi" 1 Thessalonians Jesus is "comin’ ‘round the mountain - when He comes" 2 Thessalonians A letter of encouragement and inspiration - like an ancient Max Lucado book 1 Timothy Ladies, please stop talking 2 Timothy Paul gives his dying instructions to Timothy Titus basically a Century 1 "vision-casting conference" for young pastors Philemon Paul’s passive-aggressive anti-slavery manifesto Hebrews Moses gets put on "blast" - for - like - 13 chapters! James Act MORE GOODER, people! 1 Peter You’re gonna suffer! 2 Peter Uh, Paul is REALLY confusing - please help! 1 John God is love, OK? 2 John Yep - God’s still love 3 John How many TIMES do you have to SAVE people??!!!! Do I need to write a FOUR JOHN??!!!! Jude Stop being heretics, please. OK, thanks, bye. Revelation Kirk Cameron fights the Antichrist! |
Ephesians -
[correctly pronounced "Ephesō"]
2 Thessalonians - Θεσσαλονικέων
("thes-sal-on-ee-KYOOCE")
beta
Often considered the most
authoritative representative
of the Masoretic Text, though partially damaged in the mid Century 20.
Its readings have heavily influenced subsequent printed editions of the
Hebrew Bible.